BlackQueer Heal


Somewhere between “fuck this shit, I’m over it” and “at least I’m not in the same situation I was before…” I found one of the sweetest spots on the growth journey, and that is Gratitude: Gratefulness.

Transforming my life from the pits of heartbreak and all the dark and beautiful things that come along with the commitment, is something so beautiful I struggle to describe it. It’s a beauty that only a mother could see, and an artist could depict. I feel so blessed to know this way of life exists and to be one of the chosen hearts opened to embrace the love evolution. A real gem on this journey is indeed gratefulness. I can go on and on about how gratefulness opens so many spiritual realms of greatness. Gratitude is an atmosphere shifting energy, and a frequency not to be taken lightly. And yes, gratefulness flows from my soul even on “those” kind of days.  

Now, let me say this, if you’re familiar with my writings you know I am not a fan of the “trend” within wellness. It is almost impossible to log into any social media platform and not be inundated with with memes/posts professing a “positive vibes only” lifestyle by individuals who live majority of their days swimming in negativity. Well, I don’t know about everyone, but when I’m facing my shadows, acknowledging and analyzing my triggers (while triggered), and bleeding from my re-opened traumas… positive vibes only with my pointer finger and thumb pressed together in Indian-style by a steady flowing stream in nature is not my default position. I am not oblivious of the life that is still happening while we are trying to find the balance we never knew truly existed. 

It wasn’t until I accepted gratefulness as a way of life that I was able to hear how much of a complainer I used to be while carrying around a “positive” persona. On the inside, I was always upset, unhappy, and unmotivated about almost everything. Even when days were good, when things were going as planned, and when life just wasn’t so bad, I still looked for the voices of fear, brokenness, and unbelief to comfort me and rid of the fake smile I was probably wearing anyway. Good was fleeting to me, and I didn’t want to get caught up in any emotions that were not going to stay. Therefore, I held on to feelings that didn’t mind keeping me company because I was Misery. No matter how hard I tried to show up to life as my best self, ungratefulness poisoned my delivery. I couldn’t see the beauty in anything, and I my life reaped of my mental despair. 

One day I woke up with tears in my eyes and the sun shining through my bedroom blinds, somehow a feeling of peace overtook me. For some odd reason regardless of what I was to face, I knew everything was going to be okay. And more importantly,  Everything is okay. Additionally, I understood I possessed the capacity to shift my entire world, and being grateful was a part of that. 

When we become grateful, we get rid of old responsive habits and peel back the scales from our eyes. A new world opens up when you accept gratefulness in your life. 

” An attitude [of] gratitude maintained over time will shift your inner state in powerful ways that may seem miraculous.”
~Rev. Sherri James

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