BlackQueer Heal

Loving While Healing

The question of “should I date…” will be asked as long as compatibility and companionship are desired. And as I’ve always thought, deciding on when to date is just like making the decision on whom to date… at the end of the day, it is solely up to you.

I’ve never been one to quickly take or give advice when such questions knock on my emotional house doors. This question alone is loaded with tiers of emotional-logical decision making factors that can be inhibited by individual perspectives from lived experiences. Yes, processing through similar situations can give validation to our insight; however, regardless of how much we think we know, our lived experience and perspective are valid but impartial. Thus, even if I was to give you full disclosure of the 5W’s and 1H of dating, it will never summarize the experience enough to satisfy your longing to know and most of all feel free once you commit to the decision.  

I don’t knock anyone trying to “save” others from going through similar experiences, but at the end of the day, it’s not our job to give answers to anyone but ourselves. However, to hold space for those to become the source of their own assurance is honorable. How can one truly process through and to the cycles of self-trust if they aren’t able to acquire the meat of lessons; which is to discover the answers within and apply them accordingly. Yeah, the answers from within.

The collective awakening of higher consciousness and self-care has engaged many in spiritual routines of noninvasive internal medicine practices; healing traumas, shedding ill-ideology and self-rediscovery. This translates to an intense, yet a delicate state of being that transcends our now existence. Thus, the forever question of “should I date…” is now paired with “while healing.” As you all know I try to never get into the thick of trends; especially when it comes to the heart. It’s exhausting to see the rat race, so I can only imagine the level of depletions for those actually involved. However, after asking myself the same question (that was before anyone asked me) and after a member of Being A Better Lover’s exclusive group posed the question… I would like to give you this… from my lived experience of loving while healing.

Sensitivity and callousness can quickly become deep potholes and roadblocks while traveling to wholistic self-love.  But isn’t that life anyway? What I can say is… loving—- deeply— while healing is not a journey for all, then again it is. Due to your openness, it’s easier to get lost and damaged. You run the risk of mishandling yourself and others and others doing the same to you. It’s very likely that you’ll also experience the process of brokenness that’s required for next levels of awareness while still being broken from your last encounter. And that can make anyone feel out of touch with reality; experiencing death and resurrection simultaneously. 

If you are easily triggered…

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