|Ngowo NasahAfter following the stylish tech nerd with the most radiant energy on social media for a year or more, I decided to reach out to know the person behind the images. The passion and brains behind BoiMamaKing, Ngowo took time from her busy schedule to chat with Being A Better Lover. One word: Respect!
|ParKer Bryant: For those who are not familiar with Ngowo Nuemeh Nasah, give us a little insight into who you are? Where are you from? Something we don’t automatically get from your stylish IG page?
N3: I’m a devoted mama, I’m a Leo, I was born in Cameroon and lived there until I was 19. I workout for an hour to an hour an a half every day, it’s my medicine. I’m raising a super femme wild child who keeps me on my toes and is teaching me the importance of being intentional in how I show up in the world. I have a bachelor’s degree in Graphic Arts Media and an associate degree in Interactive Media. I love being creative and all things artsy. I am a senior web designer for a Fortune 500 company responsible for creating and building curated online content for our customers.
ParKer Bryant: What are your expectations within the community from your brand BoiMamaKing?
N3: I am hoping to be a positive and conscious voice for gender non-conforming folks with multiple identities like mine: boi, mama, king, lover, creative, health-nut, traveler, politically savvy and world citizen. We need to share and tell our stories in hopes that our communities would be more welcoming and accept us. I envision a future where we are all embraced for being who we truly and having a seat at the table.
ParKer Bryant: Your father has had a significant influence on who you are as a human, was it difficult “coming out” to him? What was his response? How has his response & acceptance helped you evolve into the person you are today?
N3: I am a Daddy’s girl, now boi lol. I came out to my mom first and kept it a secret from my Dad for a few years. I struggled with losing the bond we had if I disclosed my true self. Growing up in Cameroon there were no reflections of same-sex relationships and or a queer community. Initially, he struggled with accepting the idea of me being gay and felt it was a phase that I’ll eventually grow out of. He never stopped expressing his love for me, however, there was a period where our relationship was strained as a result of me claiming my identity as a lesbian. His faith as a staunch Catholic prevented him from seeing past the so-called sin and just being okay with my true self.
N3: We are in a better place now. He is entirely in support of who I have become and very complimentary and loving. He came to my rescue the last time I was home visiting, and an aunt suggested she was concerned I was in a cult for lack of a better way of asking “are you gay?” His assurance of my place in the world as a gender non-conforming person has fueled my passion for bringing awareness to African queer liberation and creating change and acceptance for the LGBTQ community in the continent.
ParKer Bryant: You share a beautiful young princess name Isley with your ex-lover. How do you all handle co-parenting while in new relationships? Is there any helpful advice you would like to share that could benefit others in a similar situation?
N3: We had some rough patches at first but were able to work through our differences. We are family first, no matter what. Isley has two more loving parents to guide her, love her and be there for her. Co-parenting has been the best outcome I could have imagined. We navigate parenting as a supportive queer family unit, looking out for each and making sure our little one is cared for and surrounded by love at all times.
N3: For us, Isley is always a priority! We function on respecting each other boundaries and being flexible and communicative about time, concerns and schedules. We are going to be in each other’s lives for a lifetime, picking our battles and staying committed to raising our child is vital. We are always coming from a place of love, which directly impacts a child’s outlook on life. Isley is a spunky, vibrant, happy and opinionated kid because she is loved on by all the adults in her life.
ParKer Bryant: You mentioned the fear you had with raising a daughter and being masculine of center woman. How has your daughter quieted those fears? Did she reveal parts about you to yourself that you didn’t know
N3: My daughter crowned me king even before I thought of referring to myself asking. At two years old I called her princess and she, in turn, called me a king. Under no circumstances would she accept my intention of being a princess. She has given me a new zest in living and owning my identity as masculine of center. We’ve had moments of query about whether I was a boy or a girl and she now knows mommy is both girl and boi and she loves me for me. We have a special bond that encourages me to do my part in creating a more inclusive world for her generation and future generations.
N3: She has provoked my curiosity around gender by interchangeably calling me he and or daddy here and there, to which I’ll respond even though my pronouns are she, her and hers. Why are we so obsessed with gender? What if that was removed from our descriptions of identities? The world would be a much better place.
ParKer Bryant: How do you plan to collaborate with fashion, tech and queer identity with your growing platform?
N3: My hope is becoming a resource for all things stylish, queer parenting and travel related. How I’m I changing the narrative? This is a constant question I ask myself. I am documenting and sharing my life experiences and challenges along the way in hopes of being a shadow of sunlight for some.
N3: Through volunteering, as part of the PRIDE leadership team at my job, I’m using this platform to reach out to in offering opportunities for underrepresented communities in the area.
N3: My goal is to locate local queer non-profits and provide free web design workshops to the local LGBT communities in parts of Africa. Currently in discussions with other queer Africans to see this come to fruition.
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Boi + Mama + King